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WARNING!….E-Bay Scum ALERT.


WARNING Scum Alert about E-BAY

Be careful what you buy on eBay. If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.A friend has just spent £95 on a penis enlarger.

These Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said

“Do not use in bright sunlight.“

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s A*s anymore.

.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while

.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember ????????

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . .they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .

I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.! ! ! ! !

20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE……….?

Care to join me for a night cap as I don’t know if I need a nap OR

to sleepwalk in my thoughts

Cheers folks, 

6 thoughts on “WARNING!….E-Bay Scum ALERT.”

  1. A Dishonest Honest Man

    One evening a man walked into a fast-food chicken place and bought a nine-piece bucket of chicken. He took his chicken to the park for a romantic dinner under the moonlight with his lady.

    Upon reaching into the bucket, however, he received a surprise. Instead of chicken he discovered what was apparently the restaurant’s night deposit – some nine thousand bucks. The young man brought the bucket back to the store and asked for his chicken in exchange for the money.

    The manager, in awe of the young man’s honesty, asked for his name and told him he wanted to call the newspaper and the local news station to do a story on him. He would become a local hero, an example of honesty and morality that would inspire others!

    The hungry man shrugged it off, “My date’s waiting. I just want my chicken.”

    The manager’s renewed amazement over the young man’s humility almost overwhelmed him. He begged to be allowed to tell the story on the news. At this the honest man became angry with the manager and demanded his chicken.

    “I don’t get it,” the manager responded. “You are an honest man in a dishonest world! This is a perfect opportunity to show the world that there are honest people still willing to take a stand for what is right. Please, give me your name and also the woman’s name. Is that your wife?”

    “That’s the f***** problem,” said the young man. “My wife is at home. The woman in the car is my girlfriend. Now let me have my friggin chicken so I can get out of here.”

    😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

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