Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Dr. Amy Johnson, LESSONS LEARNED, and TRUE facts ON ME, and my REAL life .
( Paulica Calmanovici, ” Akka Old Fart ” )
“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.” ~Tony Robbins
PS:….( AT LEAST HE DIDN’T CHARGE ME FOR HIS WORDS, I TOOK THEM FROM HIM….LOL )
“Uncertainty” may be one of the least popular places to hang out.
I hear this all the time from my clients, friends, and truth be told, from the voice inside my own head. Certainty is almost always preferable to uncertainty. Humans like to know.
Just couple example and samples given further bellow, that will be it for now, tho, I can come up to your ears with some HORRIFIC EXPERIENCES and/or FACTS I LIVED…..That again is not important, IT WAS IN THE PAST.
Perhaps one day I will write a BOOK, A SERIES OF BOOKS ….Wink.
I wanted to know when my house was on the market some 12 years back then. Would it sell? When would it sell? How much would I will get? Should I start packing up closets now, or wait until the offers start rolling in?
I found it difficult to be in the moment with all of that uncertainty swirling around. It felt so difficult, in fact, that I found myself creating action steps that were not yet necessary—such as packing up closets—in an attempt to distract myself from the uncertain induced anxiety I didn’t want to feel.
Similarly, I really wanted to know when I was forming my business a few years ago.
Rather than revel in the excitement of the unknown, I wanted certainty. I wanted to know what it would look like in one year and in ten years. Where would my clients come from? What would my days feel like? I wanted to know exactly how everything would fall into place.
Mostly, I wanted a guarantee that it would “work” the way I hoped it would. Faith wasn’t going to cut it. The thrill of anticipation? No, thank you.
I had no interest in fuzzy details or that wide open place where you’re not sure what’s happening but anything is possible. I would have taken certainty any day of the week.
Wide open views and unlimited possibilities aren’t all they are cracked up to be.
Most of us, it seems, want to know. We want to know where we’ll live, what our next career will look like, and how it will all go down.
It almost doesn’t matter if what we know is accurate, beneficial, or true.
We aren’t searching for truth or clarity or insight as much as we’re simply searching for something reliable to grab a hold of.
But the more I’ve worked to foster inner peace and the more I’ve tested the uncertainty waters with curiosity and a little less fear, the more I think uncertainty gets a bad rap. Maybe it doesn’t have to be so bad.
Here are four steps we can take to make uncertainty bearable. Exciting, even.
But let’s start with bearable…first things, first.
1. Know that you’re not seeing every option.
When uncertainty strikes, our mind goes to work trying to predict how things will turn out. We choose from the options that are apparent to us—the ones we can see in the moment. But those options are never the whole story.
In the middle of uncertainty around my new business, I could only see a couple very limited possibilities. I could fail miserably. That possibility was clear. Or I could squeak by. Those were about the only options I could even fathom.
Although something in me knew that there were many, many more possibilities, I continually came up blank.
In the middle of uncertainty-induced anxiety, our vision narrows, literally and metaphorically. Flight or fight takes over and our vision literally focuses sharply while our brain diverts resources to survival, leaving no energy for creative problem-solving.
Know that this is what is happening and remind yourself that there are options that you can’t possibly see right now. Just because you see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Acknowledge that there is a whole lot that you don’t know that you don’t know—and that some of those unknown, currently unforeseeable options will make you very, very happy.
In 5, 10, 20 years from now, you will feel grateful for things you can’t even imagine today.
2. Fight the urge to concretize.
Let your thoughts be fluid. Allow them to float in and out of your mind rather than making them rigid or fixed.
When we want to know what’s going to happen, we do what Pema Chodron calls “concretize our thoughts.” We make them feel real and solid, like concrete. They become unyielding, even when they are so often fear-based and not true.
Rather than turning your frantic thoughts into concrete, allow them to float by as if on water. Encourage mental movement so that better thoughts can eventually float in.
3. Lean into it.
“I’m not sure what’s coming but I’ll handle it” is better than, “What’s going on here?!?”
“The unknown feels scary, but I’ve been here before” is much better than, “This feels like torture!”
Again, it’s about slowing down your thoughts a little. Soften them, take the edge off, and lean into uncertainty.
No one is suggesting you dive in head first and savor every second of it. Not yet, anyway. Just dip a toe in the water and see that you can “do” uncertainty.
Like most things in life, it’s scarier to think about than it is to actually experience.
4. Look back at everything that has turned out okay.
Remember all the uncertainty in your past and how it always worked itself out. It really has, hasn’t it?
Certainty is an illusion. It’s not real and it has no real connection with how well things turn out.
Try to remember a few times when you felt completely lost and uncertain only to experience an amazing outcome.
I remembered when I was trying to get over my divorce, it was hard at first to let go, but that light come on me later guiding me towards happy new beginning/s. Then, I had a real battle with the very own Gov Departments and all the Serpents Breeding in Sewers or Cohorts PSYCHOPATHS of such conspiracy against me back in 1993. I was and felt HURT, LOST, INSANE, CONFUSED, even MAD, you name it, I WAS, but not at the extremes I WAS TOLD I AM by those who think they can control, use & manipulate us people like sheep or cattle. These same SERPENTS and COHORTS even stolen away my own daughter and brainwashed her for theirs New World Order model …( Long 20 years old Story of Survival, but very TRUE indeed. More about it next time ?? )…I survived well, and luckily, I comeback to my real self ME, ( Not without scars, but sure I had learned all about Suffering/S, Humiliation/S, Faith, Hope, Being Grateful and Pain/s, etc, and most of all, I DID IT ALL ALONE and on MY WAY, yes, the HARD WAY…Some wounds will heal some never. It only takes few words and/or 30 seconds to hurt someones feelings or brake a heart, and a lifetime to heal the wounds, if ever.
You have these experiences too. I know you do, perhaps not as bad as I did, but I know you do.
There are moments of uncertainty in life. There always have been and there always will be. Sometimes things turn out the way you want them to, sometimes they don’t.
Accepting the uncertainty rather than trying to fight it, remembering that there are amazing outcomes you can’t predict right now, and leaning into it help make it infinitely more tolerable.
Once you’ve mastered “tolerable,” maybe you can take that leap to actually reveling in the wide open possibilities of uncertainty. But first things, first.
Further readings of ME, ( Paulica Calmanovici ), and my Special Article/s….Wink
Enjoy the movie bellow folks, ( English Version Of course )